One Woman's Writing Retreat: Alison Lake

Society has plenty of negative terms for dominant, assertive women, most of which cannot be listed here. When Condoleezza Rice endured rigorous questioning from Senator Barbara Boxer for her confirmation as Secretary of State, a congressman called Boxer an 'attack dog."The senator's treatment of Rice garnered plenty of media attention and criticism. Bold, outspoken women often receive more scrutiny then their male counterparts--in the media and in workplaces, especially those traditionally led by men.

Alpha Female, borrowed from the animal kingdom, has gained usage as a term to describe dominant females. However, the term is misleading in its suggestion that women need to be in charge of other men and women, and not altogether representative of millions of self-assured and strong women out there, according to Barbara Wright Abernathy, author of Venus on Top: Women Who Are Born to Lead and the Men Who Love Them.

The feminist movement that culminated in the bra-burning 1960s exacted irreversible and valuable changes in American society. Discomfort tends to accompany any major change, and feminism was no exception. As a result, assertive women today still get a bad rap. What if there is an alternative to the Alpha Female--a positive term that fits more women?

Abernathy believes there is. Her term, "Star Woman,"embodies so much more, and is an invitation to women everywhere to embrace their spirited, energetic selves and take the lead in their lives. "Star Women are the leaders and visionaries, whose energy is active and self-oriented,"she says.

While powerful women are nothing new, only recently have so many had the chance to spread their wings and create a trend. This increased presence of assertive women directly affects the nature of romantic relationships. Abernathy observes: "Powerful women intimidate some men, but fascinate others."She claims that some Star Women need a unique kind of relationship to be happy--one where she is free to take charge, whether with finances, the household, career, or sex dynamics--and all with the respect and love of her partner.

The popularity of Sex and the City among young and middle-aged women drives home the prominence of Star Women in our society. At various times, the show's characters take charge of their own sexuality and careers, all the while enjoying themselves. In one season finale, lead character Carrie ruminates after a terrible breakup that ultimately, your most important relationship is the one you have with yourself. Star Women like Abernathy can relate to this truism. It was not until she weathered three divorces that she finally discovered the kind of relationship that she craved: one where she can be a "goddess."

With the growing numbers of married couples who equally generate income for the household and work out of the home full-time, it is no secret that more marriages strive to be on more equal footing with shared responsibilities. While in the past husband-led marriages were common, "women-led relationships occupy uncharted relationship territory,"according to Abernathy. She observes a need for guidance among women who aren't sure how to go about leading their marriages without appearing 'bitchy', overbearing, or worse.

Venus on Top draws a careful distinction about Star Women: they are not dominant in a dictatorial or sexist sense. Instead, they choose to take on responsibilities traditionally assumed by men. They break down barriers and do things their way rather than follow the mores of a historically male-run society. Abernathy examines this growing trend and explains how strength can and should be perceived as a female attribute, not a weakness. For women who haven't yet embraced their Star Women qualities to their fullest, she helps them crystallize a greater understanding of their strengths and unique and feminine leadership abilities. Venus on Top is only the beginning.

Alison Lake writes for magazines and newspapers. Her second book, Living Off Balance, is due out in fall 2005.